Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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