If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
