ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
