I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
