my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
