Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
