i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how can u be prego again
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
