just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
