I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
