Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Pappa wants mamma naked
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
