Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How does one acquire holy water?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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