Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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