note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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