the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
