I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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