Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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