Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
