Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
