put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
