Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
