We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
