What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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