i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
