My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
