tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
