I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
