My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
