I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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