come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
