he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
