if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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