if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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