the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
