I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
