I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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