i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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