Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
