A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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