we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
