So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
