mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
