If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
