dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
