Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
