I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
