Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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