I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
