I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
