We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
