Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
