every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
