I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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